"Oh Fido, you really are man's best friend."
"By the way, I plan to break up with you after I blow my load."
"Don't tell Mommy."
"Don't worry about being late to homeroom- I can write you a hall pass."
"You kiss just like my Dad!"
"Do you wanna see if your roommate's busy?'
"This is so much better than paying for it."
"Mother always liked you best."
"What is this 'con-dom' that you speak of?"
"I know what it's called, but actually it means 'to suck.'"