WISE UP! WICKED WISDOM!
Internet Predators- national holidays are days off for the feds and the perfect time to search the web for lolitas
Girls: sex is better than drugs as long as you have a good pusher
Homosexual Males: while many are "born that way," others were sucked into the lifestyle
Studs: masturbation does not count as your being sexually active- even if you are doing it three times a day
Philosophical Question: if you fall out of a tree in the forest and no one's there...
Junkie Sex Maniacs: nothing takes your mind off of cold turkey better than a hot gobbler
Psychos: if you shoot a man just to watch him die, don't do it with one eye on the television
Animal Lovers: cats wont do it "doggy style"
Cymbal playing men: never rehearse for the marching band in the nude
Pre-Wedding Jitterers: sex wont change with marriage, as long as your new spouse doesn't find out
Happy Birthday: it's not the thought that counts when the book you receive as a birthday gift comes with a card that reads, "Due Date June 8th, Lompoc Public Library"
Students: standardized testing in public schools does indeed offer an unfair advantage, but only to those who've studied hard and done their homework
Avoid renting any movie that stars a horse (ie. Seabiscuit, Dreamer); unless, of course, its costar is a sex-starved Danish farmgirl
The smaller a woman's breasts, the more you get per pound