OUCH! by MR.E.

OUCH! by MR.E.

Friday, March 25, 2016



While there are those who contend that social conversation is a lost art, others will say conversation is not lost- it's somehow slipped between the sofa cushions and the actual lost art is Siberian wood carved clothing; and yet the rest remain uninterested.

Still, two things are clear: one- vodka, the other- that it is the choice of topic and where and when it is introduced that will lead to satisfying social intercourse (as will thinking about baseball).

In finding a topic of conversation, look to your own personal interests to prepare a lively anecdote that will engage the listener; such as, "Last weekend, while searching for antiques in New England, I ran across this very old prostitute.

If there's one thing I know, it's hookers, and let me tell you, it's not necessarily a bad thing when they've lost their teeth."

That anecdote, while indeed lively, I've learned through experience, is best not told at the reception post anyone's first communion (a general rule of thumb for those types of stories is never tell them at any occasion where the guest of honor wears white).

As you can see, the where and when to start a conversation, like choice of topic, is learned through experience; for example, offering someone a beer at a party is a spirited means of breaking the ice, and can earn one high regard as a "good egg," but it is inappropriate to do so while interviewing for a job.

The point is, everything has its proper moment; and when looking for employment, you'll need to carry a hip flask full of something much stronger than beer to gain any kind of standing as an "egg" with today's corporate rat race.

When invited over to a friend’s for the evening, a polite compliment on their home can start things off on the good foot. If you’re only new acquaintances, a simple “You have a nice place” will do fine; for older friends, “What stinks in here?” and “Jeez, open a window!” are entirely acceptable. What isn’t acceptable, at parties or interventions, are such incendiary topics as religion, politics, and the host’s daughter’s puberty.

To engage someone after an introduction, feign an interest in whatever they do for a living to find a common ground (a helpful note- marine biologist and army nurse are dissimilar occupations); and, when mind-numbingly bored, keep in mind the possibility that- after the right number of cocktails- this person might sleep with you, so, always appear interested, concerned, and impressed.

Good luck with rediscovering this lost art; and remember, when approaching someone to start a conversation and jauntily asking, “Wanna chew the fat?,” be sure that you’ve brought enough for everyone in the room.