BECAUSE SHE...
does my laundry
gets a cheap price on fireworks
kung fus my enemies
can't drive for shit
has tiny disfigured feet from them having been bound as a child
can beat me at ping pong
sleeps with a stuffed panda bear
loves to smoke and gamble
is an excellent gymnast
believes her family descended from a dragon
has a horizontal vagina
I LOVE MY VIETNAMESE GIRLFRIEND
BECAUSE SHE...
cooked, then ate the puppy I gave her for Christmas
swears she has never worked as a massage parlor hooker
doesn't have an Adam's Apple
is so horny and loves me long time
thinks that Francis Ford Coppola was a distinguished American Military officer
cost me fifty dollars and three pair of Levi's jeans
BECAUSE SHE...
doesn't speak English (or does she? that sneaky bitch)
gives me a back massage with her feet
has both a schoolgirl uniform and a sailor suit in her wardrobe, and wears Hello Kitty underwear
serves me sushi off of her naked body
reads comic books about chromed metal robots having sex with humans
exits a room walking backwards while bowing
lives for the release of the next Final Fantasy video game
drives a car that transforms into a giant boxy robot
on the 4th of July was heard to exclaim: "God bress Amelica!"
COPYRIGHT 2007-2014 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.
