IN LOVE? DON'T DIVE INTO HER FAMILY'S GENEPOOL
IF...
her home town's local color is "white trash," and the main industry is tattooing
she refers to her family as "kinfolk"
they keep livestock in the house
there are old tires burning in their backyard
they still have their Christmas lights up and on in June
a shelf in the refrigerator is reserved for clean urine
the family business is snitching
their home movies are videos of their appearances on "Springer" and "Cops"
family reunions invariably end with someone shouting at the rest, "I'll see you in Hell!"
she's the first in her family to, not only graduate from school, but also to wear shoes
the wedding gift registry is at the liquor store
one of the gifts on the registry is a spare tire cover with the words "Life is Good" on it
your wedding ceremony is to involve dancing with poisonous snakes and speaking in tongues
at the wedding reception they'll toast the happy couple by tipping a jug of corn squeezins
her mother met her father after jumping out of an over-sized cake at a stag party
as a child, her parents told her that Santa didn't come on Christmas Eve
and leave presents because he got Lyme disease from a reindeer tick
for her sweet sixteen birthday, her parents gave her an inscribed pool cue and an ashtray stolen from "The Bottom's Up Lounge"
with her mother, the best way to ingratiate yourself is by slipping dollar bills into her g-string
when her noncustodial father comes through town and visits, her brings her a box of chocolates and silk stockings
her incarcerated stepfather's previous work experience as a getaway driver was ratted out by an unknown snitch
her mother met her latest live-in boyfriend "cute" when, by mistake,
they were each given the other's methadone at the free clinic
her grandfather- four words: court-ordered chemical castration
her brother is the cutup of the family- because he cut up the family
her uncle's institutionalized for stalking student nurses
her aunt's currently awaiting trial for attempting to scam a fast food
chain by claiming to have found a human foot in a bucket of chicken
cousins are considered viable sex partners
annual fireworks display memorium for cousin who died mishandling fireworks
they haven't mistook your name for "Mark," they're referring to you as "the mark"
COPYRIGHT 2007-2014 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.
after school brawls
