OUCH! by MR.E.

OUCH! by MR.E.

Friday, May 20, 2016

NOT THE IDEAL PROM DATE


if you share at least one parent

brings along two thugs as "backup"

if you have to arrange the date with Dap Willie Green under a bridge

it's a parole violation to come within 500 feet of a public school

going to an after-prom party breaks the half-way house curfew

brings you a bouquet of flowers found while short-cutting through a cemetery

wears a tee-shirt with a cartoon of a tux printed on the front

picks you up in a limo with two Japanese businessmen riding along in the back



COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR. 

Friday, May 6, 2016

CRACKPOT PRODUCTS & BUSINESS IDEAS

bent nail straightening

blowup love dolls that blow up

catered suicides

diet water

electric washcloth

female impersonators

 fishnet garbage bags

flammable pajamas

flavored eye drops

glass-bottomed bus

glass nails

gold pennies

hardcover newspapers

imitation vitamins

instant rust

instructional dvd: “How to Play DVDs”

John Wayne Gacy plush doll
kerosene flavored gum

lollipops with broken glass centers

 mail sex

mug shot photo retouching

“Nanook’s All-You-Can-Eat Blubber”

nonalcoholic beer

non-spreadable butter

non-sudsing soap

placenta helper

“Rent-a Racist”

"Rev. Al Sharpton's Sweatsuit Shoppe"

salad in a can

"Serious Putty"

snow tires (made from snow)

sponge-bottomed boats

tampons for men

tee-shirts with funny sayings printed on the inside

wood-burning ice maker

wool condoms

 



COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR. 

Friday, April 8, 2016

POSEURS


bored with air travel

watches the Sundance Channel

calls rap music lyrics "urban poetry"

appointments only with doctors who practice Ayurvedic Medicine


pierced scrotum

cellphone so small it's difficult to show off

adopted Cambodian orphan


donates clothes to animal rescue shelters

doesn't own socks

enjoys taking long walks


hyphenated last name

making an effort to reduce carbon footprint

bejeweled bottled water carrier


listens only to bands that record on vinyl

praised all of Woody Allen's recent Euro-made movies

has a handle-bar mustache and a man-bun


reads Joan Didion

got married on a mountain top

drinks only craft ale and almond milk



car engine runs on bacon grease

thinks Chloe Sevigny is the most beautiful best actress in the world

is gluten free and juice cleanses


reads Noam Chomsky while dining out alone

wears a "Black Lives Matter" pin

finally learned to love themselves




COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.