OUCH! by MR.E.

OUCH! by MR.E.

Friday, June 17, 2016

U.S. GRADUATING STUDENTS LEAD THE WORLD

U.S. GRADUATING STUDENTS LEAD THE WORLD

U.S. GRADUATING STUDENTS LEAD THE WORLD

IN...


after school brawls


athletic team sado-homo teabagging


belly button piercing


cellphone text messaging


class skipping


date rape


detention


dropping out


fire alarm pulling


food fights


locker combination reminders


pencil sharpening


prom night alcohol-related car crash fatalities


promiscuity


science lab vandalism


textbook margin doodling


untied shoelaces




COPYRIGHT 2007-2014 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.

Friday, June 3, 2016

YOU'RE BETTER OFF NOT DANCING AT THE PROM


YOU'RE BETTER OFF NOT DANCING AT THE PROM

IF...

people can hear you doing it

the other dancers are slipping in your sweat

you’re the only white guy there

you’re Carrie

your dance-partner thinks you’re fighting diarrhea and points you towards the rest room

paramedics insist on sticking something between your teeth to keep you from swallowing or biting your tongue

you’re wearing tights and a tutu

the song playing is “It’s Raining Men”

it’s a slow dance and you came with your sister

you’ve a conjoined twin

you’re a slasher disguised as a teacher and there’s butcher’s cutlery hidden under your corduroy jacket

it’s during the memorial moment for that kid who had cancer




COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.

Friday, May 20, 2016

NOT THE IDEAL PROM DATE


if you share at least one parent

brings along two thugs as "backup"

if you have to arrange the date with Dap Willie Green under a bridge

it's a parole violation to come within 500 feet of a public school

going to an after-prom party breaks the half-way house curfew

brings you a bouquet of flowers found while short-cutting through a cemetery

wears a tee-shirt with a cartoon of a tux printed on the front

picks you up in a limo with two Japanese businessmen riding along in the back



COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR. 

Friday, May 6, 2016

CRACKPOT PRODUCTS & BUSINESS IDEAS

bent nail straightening

blowup love dolls that blow up

catered suicides

diet water

electric washcloth

female impersonators

 fishnet garbage bags

flammable pajamas

flavored eye drops

glass-bottomed bus

glass nails

gold pennies

hardcover newspapers

imitation vitamins

instant rust

instructional dvd: “How to Play DVDs”

John Wayne Gacy plush doll
kerosene flavored gum

lollipops with broken glass centers

 mail sex

mug shot photo retouching

“Nanook’s All-You-Can-Eat Blubber”

nonalcoholic beer

non-spreadable butter

non-sudsing soap

placenta helper

“Rent-a Racist”

"Rev. Al Sharpton's Sweatsuit Shoppe"

salad in a can

"Serious Putty"

snow tires (made from snow)

sponge-bottomed boats

tampons for men

tee-shirts with funny sayings printed on the inside

wood-burning ice maker

wool condoms

 



COPYRIGHT 2007-2016 OH BOY! 3LAWNVIEWAGOGO / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MR.E.
ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.