OUCH! by MR.E.

OUCH! by MR.E.

Monday, March 30, 2015


the law

high school outcast with automatic weapon and ninja throwing stars

Sadie Hawkins

waitress waving unpaid dinner check

escaped tiger

irate cuckold husband

the truth


Friday, March 20, 2015

FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE: THEATRE OF BLOOD (1973) Vincent Price Diana Rigg

Edward Kendall Sheridan Lionheart (Vincent Price) had thought he was the greatest Shakespearean actor of his day. Abetted by his daughter Edwina (Diana Rigg), Lionheart sets about murdering, one by one, a group of critics who had both ridiculed his acting throughout his career and declined to award him their "Critic's Circle Award for Best Actor", which Lionheart felt was merited by his final season of performances in various Shakespearean plays.

Humiliated in the aftermath of the awards ceremony, he attempts suicide and is presumed dead. Unbeknownst to the critics and the police, Lionheart survives the suicide attempt and is adopted into a community of meths-drinking vagrants who do his bidding.

The manner of Lionheart's revenge on each critic is inspired by deaths of characters in the plays of Lionheart's last season of Shakespeare.

In most cases the critic is first duped by Lionheart's acting initially to "play the part" before Lionheart's murderous intentions are revealed, followed by a forced recantation and an ironic, humiliating and grotesque dispatch of the critic.

The All-Star British cast includes: 

Ian Hendry

 Harry Andrews

 Coral Browne

 Robert Coote

Jack Hawkins

Michael Hordern

Arthur Lowe

Robert Morley

Dennis Price

Milo O'Shea

Eric Sykes

Madeline Smith

Diana Dors

The film was Directed by Douglas Hickox; who also directed Sitting Target (1972) starring Oliver Reed, Brannigan (1975) starring John Wayne, and Sky Riders (1976) starring James Coburn. The Screenplay was written by Anthony Greville-Bell; who also wrote Perfect Friday (1970) and The Strange Vengeance of Rosalie (1972).

Vincent Leonard Price, Jr. (May 27, 1911 – October 25, 1993) was an American actor, well known for his distinctive voice as well as his serio-comic performances in a series of horror films made in the latter part of his career.  The actor, writer, and gourmet was born in St Louis, Missouri, to Marguerite Cobb (Wilcox) and Vincent Leonard Price, Sr., president of the National Candy Company. He traveled through Europe, studied at Yale and became an actor. He made his screen debut in 1938, and after many minor roles, he began to perform in low-budget horror movies such as House of Wax (1953), achieving his first major success with House of Usher (1960) directed by Roger Corman. Known for his distinctive, low-pitched, creaky, atmospheric voice and his quizzical, mock-serious facial expressions, he went on to star in a series of acclaimed Gothic horror movies, such as Pit and the Pendulum (1961) and The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971). He abandoned films in the mid-1970s, going on to present cooking programs for television - he wrote "A Treasury of Great Recipes" (1965) with his second wife, Mary Grant - but had two final roles in The Whales of August (1987) and Edward Scissorhands (1990). He also recorded many Gothic horror short stories for the spoken-word label Caedmon Records. Vincent Price died at age 82 of lung cancer and emphysema on October 25, 1993.  

Dame Enid Diana Elizabeth Rigg, DBE (born 20 July 1938) is an English actress. She is perhaps best known for the role of Emma Peel in the TV series The Avengers, which she appeared in from 1965 to 1968. She has also had an extensive career in the theatre both in Britain and America.  Rigg made her professional stage debut in 1957 in The Caucasian Chalk Circle and joined the Royal Shakespeare Company in 1959. In 1971, she made her Broadway debut in Abelard & Heloise. She played Medea in 1992 at the Almeida and Wyndham's in London and again in New York, where she won the 1994 Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play.  On television, she starred in the 1989 BBC miniseries Mother Love, for which she won a BAFTA Award for Best Actress and the 1997 adaptation of Rebecca, which won her an Emmy Award. Her film roles include, Helena, in A Midsummer Night's Dream (1968), Countess Teresa di Vicenzo in the James Bond film On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) opposite George Lazenby, Lady Holiday in The Great Muppet Caper (1981) and Arlene Marshall in Evil Under the Sun (1982).  Rigg was made a CBE in 1988 and a Dame (DBE) in 1994.

This film was reportedly a personal favourite of Price, as he had always wanted the chance to act in Shakespeare, but found himself being typecast due to his work in horror films.  Before or after each death in the film, Lionheart recites passages of Shakespeare, giving Price a chance to deliver choice speeches such as Hamlet's famous third soliloquy ("To be, or not to be, that is the question..."); Mark Antony's self-serving eulogy for Caesar from Julius Caesar ("Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears...");

"Now is the winter of our discontent..." from the beginning of Richard III; and finally, the raving of the mad King Lear at the loss of his faithful daughter.


Monday, March 16, 2015


movie star / tv star / department store greeter

sex symbol / model / beautician

film maker / film critic / film viewer

super spy / policeman / mall cop

novelist / journalist / newspaper hawker

pro athlete / minor league player / sport card collector

race car driver / limo chauffeur / grocery cart wrangler

wife / girlfriend / prostitute


Friday, January 2, 2015


Zontar, the Thing from Venus also known as Zontar: The Invader from Venus is a 1966, made for television, science fiction film, directed by Larry Buchanan and based on the teleplay by Hillman Taylor and Buchanan. It is a low budget color 16mm remake of Roger Corman's It Conquered the World (1956) which also featured an alien invader from Venus.  This remake of Roger Corman's low budget It Conquered the World (1956) was one of a series of films shot in 16mm and color and was used to pad out one of American International's television syndication packages.

At a dinner party with their wives, NASA scientist Dr. Keith Ritchie (Tony Huston) reveals to his colleague Dr. Curt Taylor (John Agar) that he has secretly been in communication with a three-eyed, bat-winged alien from Venus named Zontar who he claims is coming to Earth to solve all of the world's problems. However, as soon as Zontar arrives on Earth via a fallen laser satellite it quickly becomes obvious that the skeletal black creature has a hidden agenda as it begins causing local power outages that stop telephones, automobiles and even running water from working and it starts taking control of people's minds using flying lobster-like "injecto-pods" that sprout from its wings. Only after his wife is killed does Ritchie finally realize that Zontar has come not as a savior but as a conqueror, and he goes to confront the hideous alien in the sulfur spring-heated cave that it has made its secret base.

John George Agar, Jr. (January 31, 1921 – April 7, 2002) was an American actor. Agar made six movies with John Wayne: Fort Apache, Sands of Iwo Jima, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, The Undefeated, Chisum, and Big Jake. In his later career he was the star of B movies, such as Tarantula, The Mole People, The Brain from Planet Arous, Revenge of the Creature, Flesh and the Spur, and Hand of Death. He was the first husband of Shirley Temple.

Agar's sister was a schoolmate of Shirley Temple. In 1944 Agar escorted Temple to a party held by her boss at the time, David O. Selznick. The two fell in love and were married in 1945. Selznick signed Agar to a five-year acting contract starting at $150 a week, including acting lessons.  Agar and Temple had a daughter together, Linda Susan Agar (who was later known as Susan Black, taking the surname of her stepfather Charles Alden Black). However, the marriage foundered, in part because of Agar's drinking (he had been arrested for drunk driving) and in part because of pressures of their high public profile. Temple sued for divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty in 1949.

Agar's career suffered in the wake of his divorce, but he developed a niche playing leading men in low-budget science fiction, Western, and horror movies in the 1950s and 1960s. John Wayne gave him several supporting roles in the late 1960s and early 1970s. In later years he worked extensively in television.  "I don't resent being identified with B science fiction movies at all," Agar later said. "Why should I? Even though they were not considered top of the line, for those people that like sci-fi, I guess they were fun. My whole feeling about working as an actor is, if I give anybody any enjoyment, I'm doing my job, and that's what counts."

John Agar     ...     Dr. Curt Taylor
Susan Bjurman     ...     Anne Taylor
Tony Huston     ...     Keith Ritchie (as Anthony Houston)
Pat Delaney     ...     Martha Ritchie (as Patricia De Laney)
Neil Fletcher     ...     Gen. Matt Young


Monday, December 29, 2014

12 MIDNIGHT SUSPECTS: An Inspector Charming Five Minute Mystery

12 MIDNIGHT SUSPECTS: An Inspector Charming Five Minute Mystery*

*actual time may vary

A bolt of lightning struck a tree on the north side of the palace grounds, and thunder clapped its ominous approval. Inside, the ascendant to the throne suddenly stepped from the shadows and into the drawing room light. Hands regally on his hips, he waited for the last bong of the town’s bell to finish echoing. It had just turned midnight.
Forsaking his rightful crown for a badge, the tough- yet still princely, Inspector Charming majestically surveyed those in his presence; then spoke, “I suppose you’re all wondering why I called you here tonight.” His faithful manservant, Helot, introduced those in attendance.
Standing nervously by the fire and smoking a salmon, was mafia-connected “Sidney Applebaum,” the Mattress King- now with eight locations! To his side, the pedigree bitch, “Lady Gwendolyn,” a Yorkshire Terrier, sat on a leash; while her chaperone, Broadway Queen “Carol Channing,” blew bubbles into flat champagne. “Sergi Bendova,” a homosexual of great acclaim and self-described ‘longtime companion,’ sat sipping Smirnoff (by the seashore); he did not attend, and “sends his regrets- via postcard.”
Stirring a cocktail with a shaking hand was retired surgeon, “Dr. Howard Fine.” Howard, whose breakthrough work with the disease Dutch Elm saved that country’s shoe industry, poured the concoction into the waiting IV bag of “Colonel Catsup.” Once the young hero of the Frankfort Bun Battle of 1857 varieties, he is now nearly two hundred years old; yet, despite his age, he avidly breathes and takes pleasure in blinking on a near-daily basis.
Sneering on the divan, champion pimento-stuffer, “Miss Anne Thorpe, accompanied by her brother Gil,” athletic coach and comic strip character. Behind them, Asian prodigy “Mi Luv Yu” -longtime tiddly-winker and fellatio enthusiast- stood near the window, avoiding eye contact by tightly closing hers.
Distracted, “Malcolm X” (not the person you’re thinking of: this one had his nose stolen by an uncle as a child- and it was never recovered! Also, he’s white) affected nonchalance thinking he’d been caught furtively peeking down the cleavage of reclining ecdysiast “Cinnamon Buns” who shared the same name with a baked goods heiress, and had mistakenly received the invitation meant for the aforementioned Pillsbury dough girl.
“Lord Peter Tork” cowered in the back; one half of the trio ‘The Pee-Wee Quartet,’ he holds a world record for ruptured testicles. Glamorously attired and her neck encrusted with diamonds (she refuses to moisturize), “Helena Handbasket” -star of the long-running ‘Million Mile Dash,’ tapped her foot impatiently waiting for the Inspector to reveal his intestines (Editor’s Note: shouldn’t this read, ‘intentions?’). “And Mr. Scott Peterson,” late of California, and husband of Lacey- also late.
Having concluded his task, Lackey retreated. Inspector Charming lit and puffed his pipe; after passing it along, he put his foot up on the royal dog and grimly addressed the group, “One of you... is a murderer!”
After the matter had been settled (did you solve who done it?), and they dragged the sleaze away, those who remained, sang a rousing chorus of “Buffalo Girl Wont You Come Out Tonight” while Cinnamon stripped!


Friday, December 5, 2014


Five inmates break out of a women's prison. Four of them are hardened convicts, but one is a girl who was convicted for a crime she didn't commit. As the authorities chase them down, the cons terrorize or kill anyone who gets in their way.  The legendary Edward D. Wood co-wrote and appears in this remake of his equally legendary 1956 classic The Violent Years. The story focuses on the exploits of a gang of young female juvenile delinquents who go on a crime spree and wind up on the run from the law. There are at least three versions of this film. Fugitive Girls (also known as Five Loose Women) appears to be the complete film. Hot on the Trail contains more plot and less sex, while Women's Penitentiary VIII features more sex and less plot.  If not for the participation of cult director Ed Wood, there wouldn't be a reason to write about AC Stephens' 1974 drive-in R-rated "bad girls/women in prison/or distress" cheapie "Fugitive Girls." It's an on-the-cheap-cheap make of the American Independent/Roger Corman/Jack Hill "bad girls on the run" '70s genre films such as "The Big Doll House" or "The Great Texas Dynamite Chase."

What makes "Fugitive Girls" interesting is that it was the late-great cult film figure Ed Wood's last stab at cinema respectibilty. Virtually all of Wood's films from the late 1960s until his death in 1978 were either grindhouse pre-hard-core adult films or hard-core XXXs. In fact, Wood made several porn films with AC Stephens (Stephen Apostolof).

But "Fugitive Girls' was the exception, and because of Wood's participation, it's worth hunting done. It's an R-rated drive-in special, complete with lots of bouncing breasts, unnecessary disrobing and a few scenes of soft-core above-the-waste sex. The budget is minimal; the women's prison looks like a summer girl's camp. There are night/day continuity problems (a problem with all Wood films) and the leads playing the Fugitive Girls were chosen for the lack of inhibitions, rather than talent, but Wood's contributions provide that uniqueness that is Wood. His films may be inept and inadvertently amusing, but they are not derivative.
Rene Bond dominated early '70s Los Angeles porn, appearing in about 300 films and loops. She entered porn in the late 1960s for the usual reason--money. In her own words, "I had some friends who were working in porno, and I needed the money. So they said they'd introduce me to some people, and they did. I got used to the money". Rene began her career in the low-budget softcore schlock of producer Harry H. Novak, often appearing with her longtime boyfriend Ric Lutze. They would be a regular cinematic pair in both softcore and hardcore films for most of the 1970s. An industry observer described her as "a sinfully sexy and youthful-looking little strumpet whose well-rounded acting skills and vivacious approach to on-screen sexing made her an instant favorite." She had a petite, trim body that made her the go-to girl to play teenagers or farmers' daughters. She also had a deft touch with comedy. Her landmark linking segments in Teen-age Fantasies: An Adult Documentary (1971) epitomize her knack for coming across as sweet and winsome in even the raunchiest material. Rene was one of the first porn starlets to have breast implants to cater to what she called the "North American Breast Fetish". She got even more work after that. Rene incorporated herself in the mid-'70s and sold photos and slides of herself through her own mail-order company. She also sang, danced and stripped at the Ivar Burlesque Theater in Hollywood. She often brought her father on stage and sang "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" (her mom also went everywhere with her). Rene happily signed autographs in the lobby for a dollar each after her performances. Rene and Ric vanished from the film scene in 1978. Rene stayed out of sight until the mid-'80s when she was spotted as a contestant on the TV quiz show Break the Bank (1985). She was introduced as a bankruptcy specialist and had a new husband in tow (she won over $9,000 in cash and prizes). Rene was seen around Las Vegas throughout the late 1980s and 1990s. She died of liver problems in the late 1990s.

The plot: A young lovely is betrayed by her boyfriend, who turns out to be an armed robber. She's unlucky enough to be with him when he robs a liquor store and kills the clerk. She's shipped off to prison and bullied by her cell dorm mates who include her in their escape plans. Once the fugitive girls escape, they're off and running from the cops in search of hidden robbery loot and fighting, harassing and terrorizing hippies, a disabled man and his wife, bikers, a garage attendant, and various travelers.

Wood, who was always a talented actor, plays three roles in the film. He's Pops, a moronic service station employee (He gets billing for that role). He also plays -- unbilled -- the sheriff, and is one of the voices heard outside the liquor store robbery/murder. Wood also wrote the screenplay and is listed, under the name "Dick Trent," as the assistant director. Personally, I think Wood did most of the directing.

There is one great Woodian touch in "Fugitive Girls." One scene, where the women terrorize a rich wheelchair-bound man and his wife and sexually assault the wife, is -- incredibly -- an homage to Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange." You gotta admire Wood's indefatigable persistence. Here he is; involved with a low-budget cheapie one step above porn/grindhouse, and he cares enough to forever associate "Fugitive Girls" with "A Clockwork Orange!" What a guy Mr. Wood was!

Another Woodian touch is the final scene where "bad girl" "Toni" (Rene Bond) seems to run forever trying to escape the sheriff and one slow, fat deputy who literally tiptoe slowly after her. Despite the non-progress, the two law enforcement officers easily catch up with Bond. It makes no sense, but it's a lot of fun. The late Bond, who has become a cult figure, is the only fugitive woman worth mentioning. She was a bubbly brunette who had "girl next door" looks. She appeared in hundreds of films, in roles ranging from loops, extra walk-ons and starring roles. Mst of her films were porn, which is sort of a shame, because she could act. Wood, by the way, is by far the best actor in "Fugitive Girls." Watching him is a reminder that he might have had a decent career as a character actor had he not been an unreliable alcoholic. Had "Fugitive Girls" been made a decade later, all the leads (other than the "good girl," might have been sympathetic anti-heroes, but this was the early '70s, and crime still didn't pay for women in 1974 cinema.