the Canadian girlfriend he made up has relocated to San Francisco
for a few days after returning from "visiting his sick, out-of-town aunt"- he walks funny and "prefers to stand"
there's an empty gerbil cage stashed under his bed
after ordering Dominoes, he can't resist making double-entendres about the Pizza Boy delivering his "hot and spicy pepperoni"
when talking baseball, he refers to Alex "A Rod" Rodriguez as "scrumptious"
he loves having a blood-engorged penis rammed repeatedly into his @sshole
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ED SPRINGSTEAD, JR.